Greetings my fellow Americans. Excuse me, I mean my American fellows. My English gets sometimes confused. Your pal Vlad here, communicating to you from the Kremlin. I wish to make some friendly comments about the sham impeachment process your Democrat partisans are lodging against your truly great president The Donald Trump. This Nancy Pelosi person is obviously deranged in the mold of the equally deranged Hillary Clinton, who you wisely discarded in your 2016 election. Without ANY Russian interference whatsoever. You are certainly wise enough to make your minds up without needing our thoroughly investigated information that it was Ukraine who was actively trying to help Hillary Clinton’s campaign by lying about The Donald’s magnificent achievements. And this Adam Schiff person and his friend Buddy Nadler, and their totally phony inquisition into presidential behavior. They are obviously incompetent and biased and THEY should be impeached from your Congress as soon as possible. In Russia we would know what to do with them.
And another thing. Many of your fake media claim that I am The Donald’s puppetmaster, that he is in fact attached to strings that emanate from my fingertips. That he dances and twitches to my every whim and desire. That when we appear together for a “photo op,” he looks subservient and in fact looks like my, how do you say this, my “bitch.” This is totally unfair, untrue, and a false characterization. He is in fact just being humble in the presence of another world leader. In fact, when I think of the word “humble,” I think of Donald J. Trump. In future dictionaries, the word “humble” will have a picture of him next to it as an illustration.
One more thing, if I may. This book The Haircut Who Would Be King, what an unvarnished barrel of laughs it is. Imagine having me pretend to dress like Marlene Dietrich and singing that ‘Falling in love…” song to patrons in a dragging bar. The author, this Trebor fellow has quite the imagination. I appreciate his willingness to let me to post on his blog, and I would like to return the favor should he ever visit Russia. In fact, if he ever appears within a thousand mile radius of Moscow, my hospitality emissaries will give him the reception he so richly deserves.